Thursday, 24 November 2011

Ceri the drama queen


I should have a coronation or something!
I want a party god damn it!
I am a drama queen, I was I think first told this by my English teacher who was also, rather ironically my drama teacher (I do hope this actually does count as irony, unlike the Alanis Morrisette’s lack of/abundance of cutlery!), at the point at which I was told this I was storming out of the classroom after standing up and shouting at her for what I perceived to be some major injustice against of one of my friends. 
Needless to say I was a teenager at the time; this was the tip of the iceberg when it came to drama-queening. I should have had a bloody crown, a big gold tiara crown, with sparkles, and a sceptre saying “Drama Queen, Monarch of the lesser actors” around the pole bit!

Nah, I wasn’t that bad I don’t think, however, although I have gotten significantly better over the years, I still have the inbuilt responses of a drama queen, externally I may be holding it together quite well, in any situation in life something doesn’t go my way I internally overreact and one of 2 possible scenarios becomes law.

The first one is based on the principle that I am bad, I am the worst of the worst of all people and Beelzebub himself will come and jam hot pokers into my eyeballs whilst giving me a wedgie and stretching my eyelids over my skull and toasting me over a fire because of the badness that is my existence.

The second one is that I am good, in fact I am such a good person I am the martyr of everyone and everyone around me will eventually be so transfixed and convinced of my inherent goodness that their brains will start to melt and they will defenestrate themselves to escape the knowledge that I am considerably nicer than them, and they shall see!

The thing is, nobody ever bothered to tell my drama queen self that I don’t actually believe in a binary existence, in good and evil, so it now seems completely superfluous to me to keep them hanging around, yet, time and time again, when anything dares to sneak under my skin, if anything insults my feeling of general zombie-like life having then I will then flail around in a fit of ennui that has to be witnessed to be believed.

It is quite simply ridiculous and I would be quite happy to not have it bother me anymore, I would be much happier I think if I could just shrug it off but I think it’s probably left over tantruming that I didn’t do when I was little (I did apparently stop throwing tantrums impressively early when I discovered bargaining!) but I would like me to get a new paradigm please because this middle class protestant good and evil crap is quite honestly not getting me anywhere any time fast.

Honestly, all that happens is that I flip and flop and then decide that actually I'm not either thing and decide to play another game with different rules! But hey, at least my flipping and flopping now doesn't last for years!

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