Friday, 9 December 2011

A Perfect Day

Ok, so Perfect Day was apparently Steve's and my song, I had somehow been unaware of this for the vast majority of our relationship, so it never really resonated with me as a relationship song, however, I find myself thinking about the meaning of this song many times over the years on a totally different level, what a perfect day means to me.

A perfect day is nice, and fun, and I can imagine and let go, and have fun, allow myself to be, to live in the moment, to do and try new things.
The problem with a perfect day is the fallout, too many days which are lovely, followed by hope, hope for more good days, leading to crap, leading to pain, because none of the things that I let myself feel or be, or do in those perfect moments are ever real.
I'm not sure I'll ever let myself feel safe again, coz I know in reality it's just a lie, I don't get a happy ending, I don't get to be loved and hugged and kissed and cuddled and appreciated for me, I never get to rest in the shade of someone else's heart.

I guess all the times before when I felt like I was safe I was deluding myself, I don't think I ever was, I just hadn't been kicked enough by life to see that really it wasn't something I could even reasonably hope for.

So yeah, perfect days are lovely, but I'm really not sure it's worth it, if I don't open my heart I can't get smashed in the skull til my brains pour out of my ears... (not a perfect metaphor there but it's late).

So yeah, cheerful tonight eh?

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