I don't know why I care so much, maybe I'm broken or odd! Years after events i will still be plagued with dreams and worry. I wonder if others feel like this or if I have some kind of personal defect. I wonder how others can carry on if they are plagued with these thoughts. They're disabling enough to me to cause me to continually lay down without a fight, to be walked on. If other people feel this way then how do they live their lives day to day? If they do feel like me, they still think about childhood misdeeds then how can they get through the guilt? I don't get it. I still think about people I forgot to give things back to 10 years down the line, it's like guilt quicksand.
Anyone able to help on this? Do you feel the same? Do you take issue with what i say? Please let me know.
Gosh yes! I think about all sorts of things that happened years ago too. They pop into mind without warning and linger there and I end up ruminating on things that I should have done better, when I could have been nicer, times when I felt embarrassed and guilty and then I feel those emotions all over again. Silly really when no one else probably remembers the things that I have said and done. Yet they are a part of me. The past is gone so why go over it again and again? I really don't know why this happens? Perhaps it's part of character building? Looking back to make sense of now. Could be that you're sensitive and have a kind and sincere personality :) I do think some people have a remarkable emotional memory and we can easily recall these situations because of the way we felt at the time. Caring is a quality after all. There's nothing wrong with having feelings and it's only your conscience and conditioning that makes you feel the guilt. Be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm the same! You're definitely not (that) odd, unless I am too!
ReplyDeleteCaring is a totally good thing, and is generally in too short supply around the world. Don't think you have to change yourself - I'm sure you don't. Just carry on being the sensitive womble you are! It can be painful to care, but that's inextricably linked to why it's important.
I hope that makes some sense!