It has been a while since I wrote on here, I have been feeling a bit shit, so I've not really felt up to it.
I'm still navigating the process of having any help at all for my mental health.
The things that have changed.
I'm seeing a different doctor who's not my GP but is absolutely lovely and seems to take a genuine interest in how the whole of me is doing.
I have now been referred by her for definite (i.e. it's in my notes now) to the CMHT who are taking their own sweet time in doing anything about my referral. They're meant to have a 2 week turn around but it's been 3 and still no contact, I'm meant to go back to see her if I don't hear anything in another week or 2.
My meds have been changed, so now I am on Sertraline, the reduction of citalopram mixed with the change to sertraline and this means I have been all over the place while my brain chemistry sorts itself out, especially as my MS has been all over with the heat and doing too much physically.
Also, had my first counseling appointment, was nice to catch up but it is very scary and I'm not sure I feel safe enough to let go and start unpacking things at the moment, I need to actually cope first with day to day life.
Some sources of stress have reduced, some are bigger, overall I feel like I'm just reacting to life now instead of actually having time to think, I'm not very well at all and I keep being reminded of that, and when I do it leads to feelings of inadequacy and the desire to do more and more to fill up the empty. However, I know ultimately this is unsustainable. I really have to try and learn to do pacing, however I also need to have support while doing this as I'm still not coping too well.
Anyways, things are starting to feel like they're getting somewhere, still finding it difficult to stop at all though, I very rarely am not doing something at all. I need to slow down a bit before I break.
Anyways, thought I'd keep y'all updated on my quest to get some form of help.
*waves to everyone*
Making Good Use of Bad Rubbish.
Friday, 10 August 2012
Thursday, 28 June 2012
A Letter to Cam-Mind
I just sent this email to cam-mind in the hope of getting some support, I post it here in the hope it will help others.
Subject: Support and possible advocacy
Hi, My name is Ceri and I am currently struggling with my mental health.
I have had depression for a few years now and it effects all aspects of my life.
I am having major problems with my mental health, especially as I am caring for many people in my life. I also have MS.
I have been referred to the counselling service at Lawrence way and have had an initial appointment, am waiting another 3 months at least for actual counselling.
I am currently having difficulty with communication with my doctor, because I rarely act on the impulses I have to self harm and don't think I would act on impulses to end my life though they are very tempting and I really want to at the time, I don't feel I am being taken seriously. She has referred me to a gateway worker at the surgery but this apparently takes months.
In the mean time she wanted me to get on the waiting list for choices for women (which I haven't yet done) and my friend took me to A&E after a bit of a crisis. The Psychiatrist at the hospital said I would be referred to the community mental health team as an urgent case. More than 2 weeks later (just this morning) I went to my GP to chase up what was going on to be told that she had thought the A&E doc had done it but hadn't. She is now reducing my citalopram to 10mg from 20mg in order to up my amitriptyline (for MS pain) to 50mg from 30mg. I told her that since then I had spent half an hour in the bath sobbing because I wanted to self harm so much with the razor I used to shave my legs. I have not even been given a PHQ9 by her (I am a health science graduate so knew what to look for on the internet, just took and got a 21) and I feel I have more complex problems than (and this is a direct quote) "Just moderate depression". I simply cannot cope much longer, I am falling apart and need help but am running out of ways I know to ask for it.
Please forgive me for being so frank, I could just really do with some help accessing services and support. I'm not an emergency, just not up to a wait of 3 months.
Thanks
Subject: Support and possible advocacy
Hi, My name is Ceri and I am currently struggling with my mental health.
I have had depression for a few years now and it effects all aspects of my life.
I am having major problems with my mental health, especially as I am caring for many people in my life. I also have MS.
I have been referred to the counselling service at Lawrence way and have had an initial appointment, am waiting another 3 months at least for actual counselling.
I am currently having difficulty with communication with my doctor, because I rarely act on the impulses I have to self harm and don't think I would act on impulses to end my life though they are very tempting and I really want to at the time, I don't feel I am being taken seriously. She has referred me to a gateway worker at the surgery but this apparently takes months.
In the mean time she wanted me to get on the waiting list for choices for women (which I haven't yet done) and my friend took me to A&E after a bit of a crisis. The Psychiatrist at the hospital said I would be referred to the community mental health team as an urgent case. More than 2 weeks later (just this morning) I went to my GP to chase up what was going on to be told that she had thought the A&E doc had done it but hadn't. She is now reducing my citalopram to 10mg from 20mg in order to up my amitriptyline (for MS pain) to 50mg from 30mg. I told her that since then I had spent half an hour in the bath sobbing because I wanted to self harm so much with the razor I used to shave my legs. I have not even been given a PHQ9 by her (I am a health science graduate so knew what to look for on the internet, just took and got a 21) and I feel I have more complex problems than (and this is a direct quote) "Just moderate depression". I simply cannot cope much longer, I am falling apart and need help but am running out of ways I know to ask for it.
Please forgive me for being so frank, I could just really do with some help accessing services and support. I'm not an emergency, just not up to a wait of 3 months.
Thanks
Monday, 21 May 2012
Braindump! - Update
I am sitting here, having had a fairly major panic attack and hysteria episode one step from self harming, still quite close if I'm honest.
I have a doctor's appointment in the am, to discuss my mental health and that I think I need more support, and possibly assessment by a psyche professional. I figure I'm not sleeping right now so I guess I could write down what's up and maybe it could help with tomorrow.
There's no reason why I can't share it with you guys.
I feel completely petrified of being abandoned all the time, anyone who I care about either has or in my mind will abandon me when they find out what a terrible person I am.
In the pursuit of trying to alleviate this I have been known to let people walk all over me, to cause great physical and mental distress to myself and sometimes lie to try to provide support to everyone in my life so that they do not abandon me.
This is because I feel empty all the time, I feel that I am not worth anything and that my life when not filled with other people ultimately is grotesque and completely devoid of meaning.
I feel as though I have no internal validation and therefore I must always be validated externally, continually. The ideal, though I can never attain it is to be held in good esteem by every single person I meet in my life, for the entire of my life.
To do this I act recklessly, I overstretch myself financially, I binge eat continually, hardly eating sometimes while eating to excess at others, I binge socialise and I run myself into the ground continually to seek approval. I start to fall apart if I meet two opposing opinions on what I should be doing and I start to internalise this which can lead to self harm or an alarming lack of self care on occasion.
I try to be everyone, I try to be a counsellor, a mother, a daughter a friend, a sister, a lover, a companion with everything that is in me, to complete these task to perfection is the overwhelming aim of my life, what else could there be?
I get very upset, because I CAN'T be everyone, if I dress in black I am invariably upsetting someone, as I would be if I put my hair up or wore jeans, slight preferences become very important things to be achieved within my mind, if I can't do them I am failing in some massive way.
This leads to me feeling extremely upset, if I cope I am failing, if I self harm I am failing, if I play games I am failing, I can never be good enough for everyone.
I have been known to self harm, I am very prone to thoughts of harming myself or suicidal thoughts, though because of the aforesaid need to please I manage to overcome these in the main because I feel I can't fail in that way, I feel I do not have enough control over myself to even be free to self injure, or indeed do this with food, this I believe is part of why I binge eat, it is a form of self harm and control, wildly flailing from one extreme to the next.
While talking about flailing, I often flail into very deep pits of hysterical crying and critical thinking, they used to be very common, and now are monthly/quarterly but they last anything from 4 hours to a week now, I have learnt to ride them out in the main and to talk about them, but I feel suicidal and like self harming, it used to be catastrophic, especially for my relationships as people often tried to fix what was wrong and couldn't see why I was so upset. It was a very long time before I realised it was a cycle, I always thought it was about something wrong in my life and when I couldn't think what was wrong I would normally be able to find something. Now I know it's an acute anxiety attack and that it will fade with time.
I tend to latch onto people and form very close attachments where they quickly become the centre of my world and I lose my sense of self, everything becomes about pleasing them and this becomes very difficult to square up with the rest of my world.
My sleep pattern is all over, because my self care and boundaries are total rubbish I tend to let my awake/sleep pattern slide all over, I fit my schedule around others and sleep when I can.
I tend to make choices about my life by amalgamating what everyone else wants for me, this can be exacerbated by whoever I have talked to most at the time and trying to please them. Things tend to be unsustainable in the long term and fall apart, leading to paralysing fear of completing a task I have failed at, of phoning up to pay a bill I am behind on etc. I am so scared of confrontation and failure that I will make things worse in an attempt to avoid facing it.
Right, I'm sure this isn't anywhere near all of the crap that is wrong with me but now I am going to get a drink and go to bed because I have the Doctor's in the am, am very tired and also dehydrated and nauseous, when I get fraught with emotion I have to strongly fight the urge to throw up to steady my nerves, mixed with the overproduction of acid that happens when I'm feeling naff and it all goes a bit wrong really.
Anyways, night guys.
I shall try to take this with me tomorrow
Ceri-Womble x
EDIT: In all the excitement I forgot that when I get started on a task I find it very difficult to complete as I go completely overboard. The other week I cleaned my sink as the start of a new leaf. I started at midnight with soaking it with a bleach mixture, finished at about half 2 and then started again as soon as I got up for about 4-5 hours because it wasn't right. I was so upset it wasn't perfect that I was close to tears and filed, sanded and buffed it. I do this whenever I try to do something properly, I go overboard and can't cope when things aren't perfect.
The sink still worries me because it's yet another part of my life I can't control!
- UPDATE -
I went to the doctor's, she can't do anything to change my medication, she suggested a local charity that may be able to help me but have a waiting list of a year, and said she would refer me to someone who does assessments at my local surgery (a gateway worker or something). As it happened, later that day the local counselling place I had been on the waiting list for for a month or so phoned up with a first appointment for Monday.
Still, it doesn't really help that I go to my Doctor, having obviously been up and crying all night (she was visibly shocked at my appearance) and was offered nothing by way of additional help, after asking for it because I was in crisis.
This is ridiculous, what on earth am I meant to do? It was only coincidence that the counselling people came through on the same day for Pete's sake, and no offer of any increase or change in medication despite saying I had once again felt suicidal/like self harming.
Me-thinks it might be time to change GP!
On the upside I am feeling much better now, though I have gone through 1 day of horrendous headache and one of a migraine before feeling better. I have wonderful friends and supportive family who have helped me through but not everyone has these amazing people to support them! Minimum intervention can't always work!
I have a doctor's appointment in the am, to discuss my mental health and that I think I need more support, and possibly assessment by a psyche professional. I figure I'm not sleeping right now so I guess I could write down what's up and maybe it could help with tomorrow.
There's no reason why I can't share it with you guys.
I feel completely petrified of being abandoned all the time, anyone who I care about either has or in my mind will abandon me when they find out what a terrible person I am.
In the pursuit of trying to alleviate this I have been known to let people walk all over me, to cause great physical and mental distress to myself and sometimes lie to try to provide support to everyone in my life so that they do not abandon me.
This is because I feel empty all the time, I feel that I am not worth anything and that my life when not filled with other people ultimately is grotesque and completely devoid of meaning.
I feel as though I have no internal validation and therefore I must always be validated externally, continually. The ideal, though I can never attain it is to be held in good esteem by every single person I meet in my life, for the entire of my life.
To do this I act recklessly, I overstretch myself financially, I binge eat continually, hardly eating sometimes while eating to excess at others, I binge socialise and I run myself into the ground continually to seek approval. I start to fall apart if I meet two opposing opinions on what I should be doing and I start to internalise this which can lead to self harm or an alarming lack of self care on occasion.
I try to be everyone, I try to be a counsellor, a mother, a daughter a friend, a sister, a lover, a companion with everything that is in me, to complete these task to perfection is the overwhelming aim of my life, what else could there be?
I get very upset, because I CAN'T be everyone, if I dress in black I am invariably upsetting someone, as I would be if I put my hair up or wore jeans, slight preferences become very important things to be achieved within my mind, if I can't do them I am failing in some massive way.
This leads to me feeling extremely upset, if I cope I am failing, if I self harm I am failing, if I play games I am failing, I can never be good enough for everyone.
I have been known to self harm, I am very prone to thoughts of harming myself or suicidal thoughts, though because of the aforesaid need to please I manage to overcome these in the main because I feel I can't fail in that way, I feel I do not have enough control over myself to even be free to self injure, or indeed do this with food, this I believe is part of why I binge eat, it is a form of self harm and control, wildly flailing from one extreme to the next.
While talking about flailing, I often flail into very deep pits of hysterical crying and critical thinking, they used to be very common, and now are monthly/quarterly but they last anything from 4 hours to a week now, I have learnt to ride them out in the main and to talk about them, but I feel suicidal and like self harming, it used to be catastrophic, especially for my relationships as people often tried to fix what was wrong and couldn't see why I was so upset. It was a very long time before I realised it was a cycle, I always thought it was about something wrong in my life and when I couldn't think what was wrong I would normally be able to find something. Now I know it's an acute anxiety attack and that it will fade with time.
I tend to latch onto people and form very close attachments where they quickly become the centre of my world and I lose my sense of self, everything becomes about pleasing them and this becomes very difficult to square up with the rest of my world.
My sleep pattern is all over, because my self care and boundaries are total rubbish I tend to let my awake/sleep pattern slide all over, I fit my schedule around others and sleep when I can.
I tend to make choices about my life by amalgamating what everyone else wants for me, this can be exacerbated by whoever I have talked to most at the time and trying to please them. Things tend to be unsustainable in the long term and fall apart, leading to paralysing fear of completing a task I have failed at, of phoning up to pay a bill I am behind on etc. I am so scared of confrontation and failure that I will make things worse in an attempt to avoid facing it.
Right, I'm sure this isn't anywhere near all of the crap that is wrong with me but now I am going to get a drink and go to bed because I have the Doctor's in the am, am very tired and also dehydrated and nauseous, when I get fraught with emotion I have to strongly fight the urge to throw up to steady my nerves, mixed with the overproduction of acid that happens when I'm feeling naff and it all goes a bit wrong really.
Anyways, night guys.
I shall try to take this with me tomorrow
Ceri-Womble x
EDIT: In all the excitement I forgot that when I get started on a task I find it very difficult to complete as I go completely overboard. The other week I cleaned my sink as the start of a new leaf. I started at midnight with soaking it with a bleach mixture, finished at about half 2 and then started again as soon as I got up for about 4-5 hours because it wasn't right. I was so upset it wasn't perfect that I was close to tears and filed, sanded and buffed it. I do this whenever I try to do something properly, I go overboard and can't cope when things aren't perfect.
The sink still worries me because it's yet another part of my life I can't control!
- UPDATE -
I went to the doctor's, she can't do anything to change my medication, she suggested a local charity that may be able to help me but have a waiting list of a year, and said she would refer me to someone who does assessments at my local surgery (a gateway worker or something). As it happened, later that day the local counselling place I had been on the waiting list for for a month or so phoned up with a first appointment for Monday.
Still, it doesn't really help that I go to my Doctor, having obviously been up and crying all night (she was visibly shocked at my appearance) and was offered nothing by way of additional help, after asking for it because I was in crisis.
This is ridiculous, what on earth am I meant to do? It was only coincidence that the counselling people came through on the same day for Pete's sake, and no offer of any increase or change in medication despite saying I had once again felt suicidal/like self harming.
Me-thinks it might be time to change GP!
On the upside I am feeling much better now, though I have gone through 1 day of horrendous headache and one of a migraine before feeling better. I have wonderful friends and supportive family who have helped me through but not everyone has these amazing people to support them! Minimum intervention can't always work!
Monday, 7 May 2012
Hey strangers
Hey, I'm having a bit of a rest, to be honest my personal timeline is a bit of a blur and I'm not even sure how I'd start to catch you all up.
I've been out, to the theatre, to comedy, to pubs, to coffee shops, all over!!!
I'm very happy with everything I've been up to and the wonderful friends I have found. I am even starting to trust people again, I still feel a little as if if I stop concentrating on what I'm doing I'll drop everything and everything will fall away again.
But that's just my stupid brain trying to see patterns because I'm a human being.
There are still a million things I'm not doing well enough, but I suppose if I had done everything and my life was in a nice grinding loop (MMO ref there...) then I'd not actually have to do stuff at all, have no urge to make things better. I just have to get a bit less freaked out by the fact I'm always a fingertip away from falling down the cliff and instead know that if I fall it's not the end of the world really and I can just carry on and make it all up as I go along if I like!
Equally though I'm learning to give myself time and rest etc. though I'm still not very good at that.
So I am writing this down while I'm feeling a little like I've had 5 mins to think.
Also, if I look like I'm making this up it's because I am!
Regardless of the fact that some people look down on social media and don't see its value, I have now got exactly that, a social network of like minded people who are real!
AMAZING HUH?!
Much love everyone!
I've been out, to the theatre, to comedy, to pubs, to coffee shops, all over!!!
I'm very happy with everything I've been up to and the wonderful friends I have found. I am even starting to trust people again, I still feel a little as if if I stop concentrating on what I'm doing I'll drop everything and everything will fall away again.
But that's just my stupid brain trying to see patterns because I'm a human being.
There are still a million things I'm not doing well enough, but I suppose if I had done everything and my life was in a nice grinding loop (MMO ref there...) then I'd not actually have to do stuff at all, have no urge to make things better. I just have to get a bit less freaked out by the fact I'm always a fingertip away from falling down the cliff and instead know that if I fall it's not the end of the world really and I can just carry on and make it all up as I go along if I like!
Equally though I'm learning to give myself time and rest etc. though I'm still not very good at that.
So I am writing this down while I'm feeling a little like I've had 5 mins to think.
Also, if I look like I'm making this up it's because I am!
Regardless of the fact that some people look down on social media and don't see its value, I have now got exactly that, a social network of like minded people who are real!
AMAZING HUH?!
Much love everyone!
Monday, 9 April 2012
Jack of all trades
My brain says, you never finish anything, idiot! When it's trying to have a go at me!
I write blog posts, I compose poetry, I write songs, I sing silly songs.
I go out, I support people, a lot of actually quite messed up people, I am RARELY at home for a full day anymore, I volunteer, I lampwork.
The last time I was like this I was at college, go out every day I mean, I didn't do lots of that other stuff!
I have MS, I can't even walk without a stick half the time.
So why do I feel like I'm never good enough?! What a fucker! I'm my own bloody worst enemy entirely. If I knew what I went through every day I wouldn't say these things to me!
NOBODY else can EVER come close to the barrage of abuse I give myself on a minute by minute basis.
I'm nothing and everything all at once and I never rest to feel rested, just to stave off exhaustion, probably because I feel shit about myself or some childhood trauma, but really? It's not on really is it? It's just RUDE! I'd never think half the stuff I think about me about others! Why am I so fucking special? What is it about me that makes me think I'm better than everyone else eh?
I should cut myself some slack coz holy crap I'm a harsh bitch when I don't like someone. Thing is, the only person I really feel like this about is me.
I have no idea why I think I'm alright to pass comment on my own life so harshly, maybe it's because they say you have to walk a mile in a man's shoes! Thing is, if you come to hate the man occasionally for no good reason it's a bit of a pisser really isn't it?!
I write blog posts, I compose poetry, I write songs, I sing silly songs.
I go out, I support people, a lot of actually quite messed up people, I am RARELY at home for a full day anymore, I volunteer, I lampwork.
The last time I was like this I was at college, go out every day I mean, I didn't do lots of that other stuff!
I have MS, I can't even walk without a stick half the time.
So why do I feel like I'm never good enough?! What a fucker! I'm my own bloody worst enemy entirely. If I knew what I went through every day I wouldn't say these things to me!
NOBODY else can EVER come close to the barrage of abuse I give myself on a minute by minute basis.
I'm nothing and everything all at once and I never rest to feel rested, just to stave off exhaustion, probably because I feel shit about myself or some childhood trauma, but really? It's not on really is it? It's just RUDE! I'd never think half the stuff I think about me about others! Why am I so fucking special? What is it about me that makes me think I'm better than everyone else eh?
I should cut myself some slack coz holy crap I'm a harsh bitch when I don't like someone. Thing is, the only person I really feel like this about is me.
I have no idea why I think I'm alright to pass comment on my own life so harshly, maybe it's because they say you have to walk a mile in a man's shoes! Thing is, if you come to hate the man occasionally for no good reason it's a bit of a pisser really isn't it?!
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Baking and Blocks (Bran-Muffin Recipes)
Hi, I've been suffering some with writer's block lately so I haven't been blogging, this is something I want to nip in the bud though.
So, before a Guide open evening tomorrow evening I'm baking muffins for the cake stall.
First spoony trick was a) buy chocolate and plain muffins in Tesco £1 for 12 deal.
b) make two energy conserving conscious batches of muffins, making 2 bran based recipes meant not cleaning out the food processor between the batches!
Please note: Should you have a Cat they may STEAL your seat while you slave in the kitchen, THEY DO NOT CARE THAT YOU ARE BAKING! *Sighs at lack of Cat/Human relations awareness*
Cran-Bran Muffins the Ceri way
a) Find recipe online that you can start with and fiddle with depending on what you have in the cupboard. (Recipe Here)
b) preheat oven to 150 Centigrade
c) get ingredients:
2 7/8 oz Bran flakes because they had them in value at Tesco.
a pinch of Salt
a pack of Crasins
2 7/8 oz brown sugar
1 Med egg (I had Duck eggs to use up)
a "glug" or 2 of sunflower oil
2 tsp of baking powder
about 2 tsp cinnamon
5 oz self rasing flower (I had no wholemeal or bicarb)
enough milk to make it like thick cake mix when you whizz it in a food processor
d) put muffin cases in tray, divide mix between muffin spacey things (I made 12)
cook for 20-25 mins
Banana-Bran Muffins the Ceri way
a) Find a recipe that, the same as the above you can play with! (Recipe Here)
b) preheat oven to 150 Centigrade
c) get ingredients:
4 1/4 oz butter
3 1/2 oz brown sugar
3 bananas mashed
2 capfuls of the little bottles of vanilla extract
2 eggs (I used the duck ones again)
6 1/2 oz SR flour (again, was out of bicarb and wholemeal flour)
3 1/2 oz bran flakes
2 tsp baking powder
pinch salt
and whizz up in a mixer with enough milk to make a gooey batter thing
d put muffin cases in tray, divide mix between muffin spacey things (I made 18)
cook for 20-25 mins, realise oven doesn't seem to be working... take out, put back in after you think you have sorted oven out, realise you haven't, turn oven off and decide to bake in Mother's oven tomorrow!
The end
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Damage the new thing!
I remember this feeling, I have had it so often. I get something new and I can't use it coz I'll damage it and make it useless. I know it's kind of wrong to feel like this though, having fun is using it for something useful!
I have felt like this with everything, silver, glass, books, jewellery, comics. Tell you what.
From today I have decided that I shall just jump in when I feel like this and damage the new thing as soon as I get it until I am no longer scared.
This I believe will be the cure to the problem, however not today as my body is being all crap and MSie! How dare it? It's not like I pushed it at all is it? *whistles nonchalantly* Maybe the thing that I have no problem damaging is me, maybe it's coz I feel ruined already! That's a depressing thought.
Ohhh, Look! PIZZA!
Hooray!
Anyways, yes, I can tell you about my fabric!
So yeah, the Burberry type is just a silly skirt I got from a jumble sale coz it looked like I could use it for fabric.
The apple green satin came from Emmaus, a charity down my way and was £6 for a large amount (240cm x 180cm with a seam in the middle).
The kind of green spotty cream cotton fabric was 32 cm worth for £1.50
the three little rolls are fat quarters from Callyco in Cambridge whole lot for £8
and there are 50 squares of 4cm x 4cm cotton for £7.50ish off ebay
I'm starting to get there, I wanted to bring another colour into my beigey living room and decided for mainly apple green (though I'm gonna have some red in there too with other accessories).
Will hopefully get my first project done soon.
Horrah!
I have felt like this with everything, silver, glass, books, jewellery, comics. Tell you what.
From today I have decided that I shall just jump in when I feel like this and damage the new thing as soon as I get it until I am no longer scared.
This I believe will be the cure to the problem, however not today as my body is being all crap and MSie! How dare it? It's not like I pushed it at all is it? *whistles nonchalantly* Maybe the thing that I have no problem damaging is me, maybe it's coz I feel ruined already! That's a depressing thought.
Ohhh, Look! PIZZA!
Hooray!
Anyways, yes, I can tell you about my fabric!
So yeah, the Burberry type is just a silly skirt I got from a jumble sale coz it looked like I could use it for fabric.
The apple green satin came from Emmaus, a charity down my way and was £6 for a large amount (240cm x 180cm with a seam in the middle).
The kind of green spotty cream cotton fabric was 32 cm worth for £1.50
the three little rolls are fat quarters from Callyco in Cambridge whole lot for £8
and there are 50 squares of 4cm x 4cm cotton for £7.50ish off ebay
I'm starting to get there, I wanted to bring another colour into my beigey living room and decided for mainly apple green (though I'm gonna have some red in there too with other accessories).
Will hopefully get my first project done soon.
Horrah!
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