Monday, 9 April 2012

Jack of all trades

My brain says, you never finish anything, idiot! When it's trying to have a go at me!

I write blog posts, I compose poetry, I write songs, I sing silly songs.
I go out, I support people, a lot of actually quite messed up people, I am RARELY at home for a full day anymore, I volunteer, I lampwork.

The last time I was like this I was at college, go out every day I mean, I didn't do lots of that other stuff!

I have MS, I can't even walk without a stick half the time.

So why do I feel like I'm never good enough?! What a fucker! I'm my own bloody worst enemy entirely. If I knew what I went through every day I wouldn't say these things to me!
NOBODY else can EVER come close to the barrage of abuse I give myself on a minute by minute basis.

I'm nothing and everything all at once and I never rest to feel rested, just to stave off exhaustion, probably because I feel shit about myself or some childhood trauma, but really? It's not on really is it? It's just RUDE! I'd never think half the stuff I think about me about others! Why am I so fucking special? What is it about me that makes me think I'm better than everyone else eh?

I should cut myself some slack coz holy crap I'm a harsh bitch when I don't like someone. Thing is, the only person I really feel like this about is me.
I have no idea why I think I'm alright to pass comment on my own life so harshly, maybe it's because they say you have to walk a mile in a man's shoes! Thing is, if you come to hate the man occasionally for no good reason it's a bit of a pisser really isn't it?!

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